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Click here: Sibling Relationships, Family Values, & Lots of Laughs: Val's Four Daughters share the mic! Ep.41
Join us today for lots of laughs and lots of honesty!
This episode is a special treat to me - visiting with all four of my daughters together in the studio. We all gathered around the microphone to laugh and to tell the truth about sibling life, family values, fighting fair, and more.
The Practically Speaking MOM podcast is unique in that it's a family podcast - you've met all seven of our children in different episodes (except Nathan, who produces the music and we have an episode lined up for you to meet him later this summer).
My husband, Rich, and I give several hours a week to the podcast and then all the rest of the family chips in with their abilities or experiences.
Here's what we talk about on this special sisters edition of the podcast (I ask questions and they answer them):
💞 What were our CORE FAMILY VALUES and how did we implement them in our home?
*Honesty - with our parents, our siblings, and with ourselves (self-reflection, spiritually, dealing honestly with ourselves and others about reality)"It was the worst trouble we got in, if we ever told a lie." " Trust is the basis for any relationship" "Learning how to confront or look at the truth with someone without offending the other person."
*Valuing Relationships
*Dealing accurately with Reality - dealing with issues without offending
*Grace
*Hard Work - to volunteer and be kind to those in need
*Integrity - doing the right thing
*Mutual Respect
"The way you communicate with others affects so many areas of your life."
💕 What SIBLING RELATIONSHIP BELIEFS did we establish and how?
"One of the most difficult relationships in your life is a sibling relationship. Therefore, it's perfect opportunity to help our children learn how to deal with people well, is by developing a good sibling relationship."
*"God put us in each other's lives on purpose. God specifically orchestrated our family with the people that are in it. Knowing that my siblings were placed in my life on purpose and I was placed in their life on purpose. We're loyal to each other because God specifically orchestrated us to be together."
*We protect each other
*We are loyal to each other
*We are a gift to one another
*Be a blessing to your siblings and learn to be a blessing to everyone God brings into your life.
"If you're feeling upset with your sibling, start by praying about it. What is God doing in your sibling"s life? What does God want YOU to help with HIS work in your sibling's life? Where is God at work in my sibling's life and how can I join God in His work? What role does God have you to play in your sibling's life and are you playing it? How does God want you to grow in this situation? How is God at work in YOU and how can you join Him in that work?"
💞Because children aren't born knowing how to interact in conflict in a healthy way, we have to teach them how. In the podcast we talk about SIBLING SQUABBLES & I share a simple method for teaching kids how to REPAIR RELATIONSHIP...
*Model healthy relationships and repairing relationships in a meaningful way.
*Humanize the other person in the conflict (you have to listen to the podcast to understand)
*Teaching kids the words to say to repair in a relationship (listen to the podcast to hear specific details for this).
*Empathy - realizing that your actions may have hurt your sibling
*How to avoid bitterness and separation in sibling relationships
💕To share bedrooms or not to share sibling bedrooms...
Since all four daughters have at times shared bedrooms and at times had their own rooms, they talk about the pros and cons of each option
*Building LIFE LONG FRIENDSHIPS in the process
*The value of learning how to COMPROMISE
*Line of tape down the middle of the room - did it work?
*Cleaning the room when there's a messy sibling and neat sibling?
*Age gap or close in age when sharing a room
*Sharing but also having personal items
*Right of passage
*Self-control
*Cultivate a closer friendship if the parent teaches kids to maintain healthy sibling friendships
💞Sibling Arguments - Should we let our kids "work it out for themselves" or should we step in to help them resolve conflict?
Healthy relationships is TAUGHT - "The perfect opportunity for teaching kids how to have healthy relationships in their future is to teach them how to have healthy sibling relationships today."
"Our siblings are a gift to each other. God put us purposefully in each others' lives, so how should we respond to that? We spend time with each other, we are loyal to each other, we grow one another, honor one another, be a blessing to each other, defend each other.
"If they work out the argument alone, without any oversight by the parents, the dominate child will dominate and the timid child will be run over. Instead, we want the dominant child to learn how to compromise and 'argue fairly' while the passive child needs to learn how to stand up for themselves."
💕What was effective in helping to grow such strong sibling bonds between you seven kids? What fostered life-long friendships between you?
*Learning how to laugh together, be honest, cry together, seek forgiveness. own mistakes and know they'll be forgiven, given grace, When all the siblings can feel safe to do all of these things
"Our siblings are a gift. God was intentional in putting you together and you need to be intentional in your sibling relationships"
💞How did it affect the family dynamics to work hard together? And what was some of the hard work you did?
*Relationship building through hard work
Tests and refines character
Develops brainstorming and problem solving
"There's something about hard physical labor that bonds you together with the people on your team."
"All hands on deck" in a big project gives pride in accomplishments and team building
Listen to the podcast to find out what the dog-house building test was all about AND find out about the phrase, "you're a getter-doner."
The girls also answer: 💕When parents fall short, as I did and do many times, how did this affect you kids? AND💞Was limiting technology an important part of building strong sibling bonds?
Other values mentioned in this episode:
Take advantage of new opportunities, diversify your life, don't become singularly-focused, have more than one peer group and get used to all ages for interacting, learning how to speak up for yourself in a loving way, try new things, get outside your comfort zone, see lots of worldviews and perspectives to be able to converse with all of them, find something to win at but remain well-rounded and grow your world, do some unfamiliar, hard things.
💕Volunteering taught you...
seek to make their day brighter
develop patience
recognize the value in going beyond yourself
humility
seek wisdom from elderly people
Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM, is a mom to seven plus three in-law kids and two grandchildren. If you would like more from Val, you can follow her blog and podcast or find her books and other resources at www.PracticallySpeakingMOM.com. Here's the direct link to her podcast. Join Val's Facebook page,Practically Speaking MOM. There you'll see announcements,, resources, encouragement, and ideas.
If you'd like to participate in Val's private group for regular interaction, Facebook Lives, LOTS of ideas, discussion about each week's topic, and to encourage each other, join our private Facebook community Intentional Mom, Strong Family.